The past informs the present because we don’t become who we are all at once. We are formed that way over time, through experiences, people we meet, mistakes we make, chances we take, and so much more. Sometimes we have a hard time finding answers to our questions about purpose because we are looking at the present moment only, paying attention to what is right in front of us and what we are experiencing now. While being present is important and necessary for having a meaningful life, we can get a more complete picture by asking ourselves questions about what came before, everything that led up to who we are, what we love, and what we pursue.

One of the reasons that you might be resistant or hesitant to look into your past is that you don’t like what you find there. Sometimes, childhood is not a very happy place. Sometimes it was good, but there are dreams that are so precious that never came to pass, even though you longed for them to—and that is painful. Another reason might be that you’ve been told to grow up or ignore your child self for a long time, and you stopped giving credence to anything your younger self believed or loved. There might be many other reasons—way more than I can list here. For whatever reason, the past can be an uncomfortable subject and hard to revisit. But it is so important to go back before we can come to terms with our present and before we can forge a brighter path for our future.

If you are someone who journals, ask yourself some questions and write out the answers. Maybe you’re a verbal processor and want to talk to a trusted friend about these things. You could record yourself talking if you don’t like writing things down. There are all sorts of ways to do it. I recommend, if the past is a hard subject and this feels like a tough assignment, providing yourself comfort and creating a place of safety. For me, this is my breakfast nook. I can go there and sit and drink coffee or tea and write or think, and I feel safe. For others, it might be a front porch, backyard, bedroom, comfy chair, or it might be a time of day. Maybe you feel safest processing late at night or early in the morning. Whatever it is for you, give yourself the gift of that comfort and safety. If you honor and are kind to yourself in that way, you will find that your heart can do that work, even if it hurts, and be all right in the end.

Maybe it doesn’t feel so hard to go back, and that is all right. There is no better or worse in this area; it is just different. We all come from a vast array of experiences and backgrounds, and so there will be diversity in this process for people as well.

Here are some questions to get you started, but this is by no means a comprehensive list:

1. Think back to when you were a child. What did you want to be when you grew up?

2. What are things that have influenced your life that were out of your control? (birthplace, adoption, socio-economic status, parents, your generation, cultural events (i.e., recession, 9–11). These will be both positive and negative life circumstances. These will be experiences that have helped define who you are.

3. What experience do you have? What are your skills? What experiences have taught you what you do not want to have or do?

4. What have others told you about yourself? What did they say you were good at? What are you naturally gifted at? 

5. Write about a time or a project in which you found great delight and knew this is what you were supposed to be doing. What are the little things in life that bring great pleasure?

6. Ask someone else what they notice about you and what your strengths and weaknesses are.